Dictionary of Wifespeak

Published on Mon 08 November 1999

Wifespeak - English

You want
You want
We need
I want
It's your decision
The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want
You'll pay for this later
We need to talk
I need to complain
Sure... go ahead
I don't want you to
I'm not upset
Of course I'm upset, you moron
You're... so manly
You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight
Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
I'm on my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights
I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient
I want a new house
I want new curtains
And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes
The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there
No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise
I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?
I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me?
I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute.
Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat?
Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate
Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!?
Too late, you're dead
I'm sorry
You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe?
It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby?
Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling!
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we're going to buy is soap dish
It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and ohmigod there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

In answer to "What's wrong?"

The same old thing
My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really
It's just that you're such an asshole
I don't want to talk about it
Go away, I'm still building up steam

This joke was tagged #dictionary, #english and #women