Jokes tagged #microsoft

Mon 26 May 2003

Microsoft Winders 98 Alabama Edition

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the … read more
Sat 21 August 1999

Toddler Property Laws

I like it, it's mine. It's in my hand, it's mine. I can take it from you, it's mine. I had it a little while ago, it's mine. It's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine … read more
Tue 01 December 1998

Jos ravintolat toimisivat kuten Microsoft

Kanta-asiakas: Tarjoilija! Tarjoilija: Hei, minun nimeni on Bill ja olen teidän tukitarjoilijanne. Mikä näyttäisi olevan ongelmana? Kanta-asiakas: Keitossani on kärpänen! Tarjoilija: Kokeilkaa uudelleen, ehkä se kärpänen ei ole siellä tällä kertaa. Kanta-asiakas: Ei, se on vieläkin siellä. Tarjoilija: Ehkä se on teidän tavassanne käyttää keittoa; kokeilkaa sen sijaan syödä sitä … read more
Thu 16 January 1997

Microsoft Humor

One of Microsoft's finest support techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The Microsoft … read more
Thu 05 September 1996

Microsoft Marketing Strategy (MARKET.EXE)

#include #include #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ #include /* For the court of law */ #define say(x) lie(x) #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version void main() { if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); } while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) { make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */ if … read more