McDonnell Douglas Warranty Registration Card

This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor) and made the web department take it down immediately.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified

   First Name: _______________ Initial: __ Last Name: _______________ Code Name: __________ Password: ________ (max 8 char) Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ____ ____ ____

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

   [_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19../../..
4. Serial Number: _________________________

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

   [_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalog showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

   [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

   [_] Speed / maneuverability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort / convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

   [_] Iraq [_] North America [_] Central / South America [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Classified

9. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply):

   [_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal

10. Your occupation:

    [_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student

11. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

    [_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Running / jogging [_] Sabotage [_] Propaganda / disinformation [_] Destabilization / overthrow [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Interrogation / torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction [_] Fashion clothing

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!