A Golfing Priest

Published on Fri 26 April 2002

There once was a priest who loved to golf. He was pretty good at it and had two nuns as an entourage who would follow him around and watch him play. One Saturday the priest was shooting a great round, when he came upon the eighth hole. He started off with a beautiful drive to down the fareway, and a nice chip to the green. When he goes to putt the ball it rolls straight for the hole, swerves, misses, rolls down the hill, and into the lake. The priest enraged by this flub in an otherwise perfect round takes out his sand wedge, bends it over his knee, and hurls it at a tree. He then screams at the top of his lungs:

"Goddamn it, I missed!"

The two nuns are shocked and berate him saying, "You shouldn't swear or god will get you."

The priest, a little abashed decides to continue his round. Amazingly, he finds that his game is improving. However when he gets to the thirteenth hole he drives a wicked slice into the water hazard, takes his penalty and winds up onto he green one under par. He putts the ball, it rolls straight for the hole, swerves, rolls down the hill, and into a gopher hole. The priest, red with anger, takes his favorite driver and bashes it on a nearby rock screaming:

"Goddamn it, I missed!"

The two nuns stare at him and say, "We're warning you, curb your swearing or god will get you."

The priest ignoring them continues with his game and manages to turn things around so that by the time he is at the eighteenth hole he is shooting almost as good as his personal best. He drives the ball from the tee on a par four to within two feet of the cup. If he makes his next putt he will beat the clubhouse record. He lines up his putt, swings, it rolls toward the hole swerves, hits a rock, bounces towards the lake, where just before it hits the water, a fish leaps up out of the water, swallows the ball, and dives away. This makes the priest so furious that he takes his entire bag and hurls it into the lake, screaming after the fish:

"Goddamn it, I missed!"

The two nuns aghast declare, "That does it, now god is going to get you."

Suddenly, dark clouds begin to gather, thunder booms, and lightning strikes the two nuns dead disintegrated. And a big booming voice shouts:

"Damnit, I missed."

This joke was tagged #english