What Porn Films Would Like Us To Believe
Published on Wed 19 June 2002
- Women wear high heels to bed.
- Men are never impotent.
- When going down on a woman 10 secs is more than satisfactory.
- If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
- Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
- Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
- Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
- Women always orgasm when men do.
- A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding fine.
- All women are noisy roots.
- People in the 70's couldn't root unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
- Those tits are real.
- A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
- Men always groan "Oh yeah!" when they cum.
- If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
- Double penetration makes women smile.
- Asian men don't exist.
- If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
- There's a plot.
- When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
- Nurses suck patients cocks.
- Men always pull out.
- When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before rooting the both of you.
- Women never have headaches... or periods.
- When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
- Assholes are clean.
- A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
- Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
- Men don't have to beg.
- When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.