Virus Jokes
Published on Wed 08 December 1999
- AT&T Virus
- Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
- MCI Virus
- Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
- Paul Revere Virus
- This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C:\.
- Politically-Correct Virus
- Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
- Right To Life Virus
- Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a consultant about possible alternatives.
- Ross Perot Virus
- Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.
- Mario Cuomo Virus
- It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
- Ted Turner Virus
- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
- Terminates your session and then disappears. It'll be back.
- Dan Quayle Virus
- Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining a binary network.
- Dan Quayle Virus #2
- Thers sumthin rong wit yur komputer, butt ewe jsut cant figyour it out!
- Government Economist Virus
- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
- New World Order Virus
- Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
- Federal Bureaucrat Virus
- Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
- Gallup Virus
- Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (Plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
- Bobbit Virus
- Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. Unfortunately, the area is permanently disabled.
- Oprah Winfrey Virus
- Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
- Terry Randle Virus
- Prints "Oh no you don't!" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
- Texas Virus
- Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
- Adam And Eve Virus
- Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
- Congressional Virus
- The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
- Airline Virus
- You're in Dallas, but your data ends up in Singapore.
- Freudian Virus
- Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.
- PBS Virus
- Your programs stop every few minutes asking for more money.
- Elvis Virus
- Makes your computer get fat and lazy, then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across America.
- Ollie North Virus
- Causes your printer to suddenly become a paper shredder.
- Nike Virus
- Just does it.