Published on Sat 11 September 1999
Ralph, feeling very ill, goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo tests.
After the lengthy exam, he wakes up hungry and quite groggy. Ralph looks about, noticing that he is now in a private room at the hospital. Just then the phone by his bed rings...
"This is your doctor," said the serious voice. "We just got the results back from your battery of tests. Obviously, you have lead a very promiscuous life."
Ralph smiled: "And I've enjoyed every minute!"
The doctor's voice became even more serious: "Well you're not going to enjoy this; We've found you have an extremely nasty disease called G.A.S.H. It's a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes!"
"My gosh, doctor!" said Ralph, now quite worried. "What are you going to do?"
The doctor explained: "The first thing we're going to do is put you on a strict diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread."
"How long will I have to be on that diet?"
"For the rest of your life."
"Will that cure me?" asked Ralph.
"Well no," said the doctor, "but, it's the only food we can get under the door."