Published on Sun 12 September 1999

In a Rome laundry
Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On a faucet in a Finnish washroom
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong
Guarenteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan
Stop: Drive Sideaways.
In a Swiss mountain inn
Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar
Special coctails for the ladies with the nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian coctail lounge
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In A Tokyo shop
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using hotel air conditioner
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo
When passenger of foot beave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance
English well talking. Here speeching American.
In a Tokyo hotel
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable
In a Leipzig hotel elevator
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel
The flattening on underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Honk Kong supermarket
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Rhodes tailor shop
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15.000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that poeple of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

This joke was tagged #english and #language