Short Mathematics Jokes
Published on Fri 10 December 1999
There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who cannot.
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.
Ya' hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a tangent?
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut?
97.3% of all statistics are made up.
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but he was always right!
Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions!
Q & A
Q. Did you hear about the statistition?
A. Probably...!
Q. What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of choice?
A. Zorn's Lemon!
Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule!
Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
A. You can't do that, a mountain climber is a scalar!
Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?
A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)
Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE!
Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An abelian grape!
Q. What does a mathematician do when he's constipated?
A. He works it out with a pencil!
Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A. That's the Law of Spline Demand!
Q. What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
A. Mobius Dick!
Q. How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to the earlier riddle.