Rules for Attorney Hunting Season
Published on Thu 07 October 1999
- Any person with a valid State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
- The taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
- The killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove roadkill to roadside, then proceed to nearest car wash.
- It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a helicopter or other aircraft.
- It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance!", or "Free Perrier!" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
- It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
- It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of whorehouses, health spas, ambulances, or hospitals.
- If an attorney is elected to government office, there will be a $500 bounty on the pelt.
- Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, vermin and contagious diseases.
- It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purposes of hunting attorneys.
Attorney Bag Limits
Yellow-Bellied Sidewinder = 5
Hairless Civil Libertarian = 7
Skinny-Assed Ambulance Chaser = 12
Horse or Cattle Rustler Defender = 20
Silver-Tongued Murderer Defender = 50
Jack-Legged Divorce Litigator = No limit
Honest Attorney = Extinct