On Why Women and Men Have Such a Difficult Time Being Just Friends

Published on Sat 11 September 1999

  1. Men can't go with women to the bathroom.

  2. Women complain about the ailments of getting older. Men show off the pot-belly they've acquired and say they want two more just like it!

  3. Guy-friends dancing with Gal-friends steers away potential girl/boy-friends (or one-night stands).

  4. Gals complain about their weight and guys laugh at them. A guy mentions he might need to do a bit of toning up in the gym and the gal agrees with him, then more things he needs to do to look better.

  5. Cat-calling differs too much. Guys: "I wish I had a swing like that on my front porch!" Gals: "Look at that ass...!"

  6. Gals can't go out unless all their friends are also doing something. Guys go out even if their best friend's parents both died on a Princess Cruise while filming "The Love Boat's 100th Reunion" and his girlfriend just dumped him for Tom Cruise.

  7. Gals don't like the cat-calls they get from men. Guys wish they got more cat-calls from women.

  8. Gals like to just "hang and dance" with gal-friends. Guys will try to "Humpty Dance" with their gal-friends... while she's trying too hook up with Tom Cruise.

  9. Women don't care who the top-ranked pinch hitter in the Minor League is.

  10. Men get nervous about any woman's driving. Men also spin their cars on snow on purpose during the winter.

  11. Men can eat all they want and still think they look like Joe Montana.

  12. Gals will take strays home and try to find a real home for it. Guys will play target practice with the stray as it tries to run out of the way (as the car spins on the snow).

  13. Guy-friends ask for their gal-friends to return borrowed clothes.

  14. Gals will complement guy-friends when they look nice (or their gal-friends for that matter). Guys make a big deal about "I'm not hitting on you, but..." when they compliment a gal-friend (they never complement their guy-friends).

  15. Guys get ticked when he goes shopping with a gal and she doesn't take the advice he gives her. Guy: "But you asked me what color I liked better!"

  16. Guys read the newspaper. Gals go through looking for sales and see what Kathy's words-of-wisdom are for the day.

  17. Women never get tired of visiting the shoe store or the pet shop.

  18. Women ignore the phone for a nice hot bath. Men ignore the phone during a basketball game. Women always call men during basketball games and men always call women while they're taking a bath.

  19. Men can get their hair cut for $6.00.

  20. Men don't have to shave their pits or legs, and still think they look like Joe Montana if they go without shaving their faces.

  21. Women are used to the "herd instinct".
    Gal #1: "This is lame... let's do something else."
    Other Gals: "Okay! Where to?"
    Men "do their own thing."
    Guy #1: "Dudes, this place is slammed. I'm outta here!"
    Other Guys: "Well leave then, you looser!"

    Note: this doesn't bother either group within the group, but when a the coffee pots mix, the water goes sour.

  22. Women can get free drinks at the bar, men only when with their gal-friends.

  23. A man will ditch a woman to play with his newest electronic gadget.

  24. When gal and guy friends park to talk, everyone else believes they just "parked."

  25. Women enjoy spending $300+ on something they will use only once.

  26. Guys can't play tackle football with gal-friends.

  27. Women can watch Top Gun an infinite number of times and still get excited when the shadow-scenes come up. Men live for Star Trek marathon weekends when they start off watching all the hour-episodes, then go into the six movies, and finale it with all the little specials they have accumulated on-tape.

  28. Guys will never understand how devastating breaking a nail really is.

  29. In a movie, guys want to see more blood and more sex. Gals just want to see Tom Cruise naked - once!

  30. Guys still go out when they have a "bad hair day." Gals can't go out until every eyelash is properly sequenced.

This joke was tagged #english