Materials Safety Data Sheet: Woman

Element

Woman

Chemical symbol

Wo

Discoverer

Adamov Eden

Atomic mass

Accepted as 53.659 kg but known to vary from 40 to 200 kg.

Occurrences

Copious quantities in urban areas.

Physical properties

• Surfaces usually covered in painted film.
• Boils at nothing, known to freeze without known reason.
• Melts if given special treatment.
• Bitter if incorrectly used.
• Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common 'ore'.
• Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

Chemical properties

• Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
• Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
• May explode spontaneously, without prior warning for no known reason.
• Insoluble in liquids but activity increases greatly if saturated in alcohol.
• Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common uses

• Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
• Can be great aid to relaxation.
• Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests

• Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
• Turns green when placed near a better specimen.

Hazards

• Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
• Illegal to possess more than one sample, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with one another, if they do, evacuate the room immediately and preferably do not return to the location of exposure for about 10 years!
• Highly volatile if exchanged for a newer sample.