If Women Ruled the World

Published on Fri 09 August 2002

  • Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
  • A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.
  • Fewer women would be dieting because the ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.
  • PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
  • Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
  • Men would get reputations for "sleeping around".
  • "Ms Magazine" would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring scantily clad male models.
  • Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within two hours of bedtime.
  • Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard for none of the credit.
  • Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks".
  • Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make.
  • Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap operas.
  • Men would have to get Playboy for the articles, because there would be no pictures.
  • Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry," "I love you," "You're beautiful," "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit," "Go to sleep - I'll take care of the baby," etc.
  • Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their accomplishments.
  • Men would sit around and wonder what women are thinking.
  • Men would pay as much attention to their women as their cars.
  • All toilet seats would be nailed down and men would sit down to pee.
  • Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their careers.
  • TV news segments on sports would never run longer than one minute.
  • All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator!
  • During mid-life crisis, men would get hot-flashes and women would date 19-year old boys.
  • Overweight men would have their weight brought to their attention constantly.
  • After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave to wait on their wives hand and foot.
  • For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a two-year old for six weeks.
  • Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding wedding rings in their pockets.

This joke was tagged #english