If Operating Systems Ran Your Car

What driving to the store would be like if operating systems ran your car.

MS-DOS

You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.

Windows

You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.

Windows NT

You get in the car and write a letter that says "go to the store." Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.

Macintosh System 7

You get in the car to go to the store. The car drives you to church instead, because the store has mysteriously exploded.

Apple

As you set out for the store, a hurricane comes up. The streets flood and the windshield wipers quit. You wash up in front of a store on a desert island in the South Pacific.

UNIX

You get in the car and type GREP STORE. You screech off at 200 miles per hour and arrive at the barber shop.

Taligent/Pink

You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

Amiga

You get in the car and tell it to go to the store. It takes you to a shopping mall on the Moon.

VAX

You get in the car and find that the controls are all labeled in Egyptian hieroglyphics. You press several buttons at random and suddenly find yourself parked in front of a store, next to an Apple.

OS/2

After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of fuel, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing you and half the town.

S/36 SSP (mainframe, obviously)

You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.

AS/400

An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.