Computer Viruses

Published on Tue 01 July 2003

The following information, from credible sources, is intelligence on the latest viruses sweeping across the information superhighways in 2002. Take extreme caution and be on high virus alert at all times!

The George W. Bush Virus
Causes your computer to think it won the election even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.
The Al Gore Virus
Causes your computer to just keep counting.
The Clinton Virus
Gives you a 7-Inch hard drive with no memory.
The Bob Dole (Aka: Viagra) Virus
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
The Lewinsky Virus
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did.
The Ronald Reagan Virus
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
The Jesse Jackson Virus
Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background and rhyming it all.
The Mike Tyson Virus
Quits after two bytes.
The Oprah Winfrey Virus
Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200.
The Jack Kevorkian Virus
Deletes all old files.
The Prozac Virus
Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
The Joey Buttafuoco Virus
Only attacks minor files.
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back and last but not least.
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

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