Computer Viruses

The following information, from credible sources, is intelligence on the latest viruses sweeping across the information superhighways in 2002. Take extreme caution and be on high virus alert at all times!

The George W. Bush Virus

Causes your computer to think it won the election even though the motherboard and fatherboard bought it.

The Al Gore Virus

Causes your computer to just keep counting.

The Clinton Virus

Gives you a 7-Inch hard drive with no memory.

The Bob Dole (Aka: Viagra) Virus

Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus

Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did.

The Ronald Reagan Virus

Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

The Jesse Jackson Virus

Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background and rhyming it all.

The Mike Tyson Virus

Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus

Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200.

The Jack Kevorkian Virus

Deletes all old files.

The Prozac Virus

Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus

Only attacks minor files.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus

Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back and last but not least.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus

Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.