Chelsea vs. Newcastle

The Chelsea team are having a meeting on the eve of a Newcastle game. Vialli says, "Look lads, I know they are absolute shite and we don't want to play them, but we have to or we face the wrath of the FA."

Gustavo Poyet peps up, "I've got an idea... why don't you lot all go down to the pub, and let me play them on my own? After all, I've played in most of the positions this season, and remember, Newcastle are totally pish..."

"Brilliant Idea, Gus!" says Vialli. "Let's do that!"

On the day of the game, the blues are all in the pub, and Vialli decides to check the score. He gets the TV control and keys up teletext.

The lads all cheer, and get the drinks in. At ten to five, after some serious drinking, he checks the text again.

"Oh Red Card!" cries Vialli. "What the hell went wrong?!"

They all leave the bar and jump into taxis to get back to the ground. They rush in to find Poyet sitting in the dressing room with his head in his hands.

"Well, Gus, what the hell happened?" says Vialli.

Gus shakes his head. "It was all under control," he says. "Everything was great. Then that bastard referee sent me off in the 12th minute..."