American History 101
Published on Mon 20 October 2003
It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history."
The teached asked, "Who said, 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki's.
"Patrick Henry 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said '...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?"
Again, no response, except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki raised his hand, "Lee Iacocca, 1982."
At that point a student said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?"
Suzuki said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumped up waving his hand and shouted, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
With near mob hysteria, someone screamed, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki yelled, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.
One of the kids said, "Oh shit, we're in big trouble!"
Suzuki said, "Arthur Andersen, 2002."