Actual Bumper Stickers

Published on Mon 02 August 1999

  • Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
  • Horn broken, watch for finger.
  • The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
  • My kid had sex with your honor student.
  • If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
  • Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.
  • I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
  • Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
  • I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
  • Keep honking, I'm reloading.
  • Hang up and drive.
  • Lord save me from your followers.
  • Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
  • Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
  • I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
  • Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  • Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
  • Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.

This joke was tagged #english and #list