Jokes tagged #marriage

Sat 30 August 2003

75th Wedding Anniversary

An elderly couple is sharing an intimate dinner in honor of their 75th wedding anniversary. The man says softly, "Dear, there is something I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our sixth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now, let me assure you … read more
Sat 13 July 2002

Ennen alkua

Mies tulee töistä kotiin väsyneenä, lysähtää tapansa mukaan sohvalle TV:n ääreen ja huutaa vaimolleen keittiöön: "Tuotko minulle oluen ennen kuin se alkaa!" Vaimo tottelee ja tuo hänelle oluen. Viisi minuuttia myöhemmin mies sanoo: "Tuotko vielä oluen ennen kuin se alkaa." Vaimo katsoo miestään kummastuneena ja huokaisten hakee oluen miehensä … read more
Fri 17 May 2002

Afrikkalainen sammakko

Eräs nainen matkaili Afrikassa, ja ennen kotimatkaa hän alkoi etsiä miehelleen sopivaa tuliaista. Eräällä toripöydällä oli myynnissä noin 30 sentin mittaisia eläviä sammakoita, ja myyjä kertoi niiden olevan erinomaisia suihinottajia: "Länsimaiset naiset ostavat niitä miehilleen, koska eivät itse välitä tuosta seksin lajista." Tämän kuultuaan vaimo innostui ja osti sammakon. Kotiin … read more
Sat 11 May 2002

Parisuhdepalsta

Kysymys: Mieheni haluaisi kokeilla ryhmäseksiä minun ja sisareni kanssa Vastaus: Koska miehesi rakastaa sinua syvästi, eikä näyttäisi saavan sinusta tarpeekseen, hänen katseensa kääntyy luonnollisesti seuraavaksi parhaaseen vaihtoehtoon eli siskoosi. Älä tee asiasta sen isompaa numeroa ja ajattele: miehesi aktiviteetti voisi koota perheen yhteiseen iloiseen tapahtumaan! Voisit jopa harkita serkkujenkin ottamista … read more
Thu 02 May 2002

Kolmiodraama

Pyhän Pietarin pakeille oli pyrkimässa samaan aikaan kolme miestä. Pyhä Pietari valitteli ruuhkaa ja tilanpuutetta, sanoi viimein ottavansa sisään vain yhden kolmesta miehestä, sen joka oli kuollut kauheimman kuoleman. Pietari haastatteli miehiä yksitellen ja aloitti siitä, jolla oli ammottava reikä päässä. "Olin jo pitkään epäillyt vaimoani uskottomuudesta, ja kerran tulin … read more
Sun 12 November 2000

Matematiikan professori

Matematiikan professori lähetti faksin vaimolleen: "Rakas vaimo, ymmärräthän sinä, että olet jo 54-vuotias, ja minulla on tiettyjä tarpeita, joita sinä et enää pysty tyydyttämään. Olen toisaalta onnellinen kanssasi, sinä vaimonani ja minä vilpittömästi toivon, ettet loukkaannu ja suutu siitä, että juuri nyt, kun luet tätä kirjettä, olen hotelli Ramadassa 18-vuotiaan … read more
Fri 09 June 2000

Synnytystuskia

Mies riiteli ankarasti vaimonsa kanssa. Vaimo väitti, ettei mies ole ollenkaan empaattinen. "Mitä sinäkään minun murheista tiedät. Sinä et edes tiedä, millaisia voivat olla synnytystuskat!" vuodatti vaimo. Debatti loppui sillä erää siihen, mutta mies otti itseensä ja lähti lääkärin pakeille kyselemään, millä voisi synnytyskipuja simuloida. Lääkäri totesi sen olevan helppoa … read more
Mon 08 November 1999

Missing Husband

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He is 36 years old, 183 cm high, has brown eyes, brown hair, an athletic body, weighs 75 kg, is soft-spoken, and is good … read more
Mon 08 November 1999

What Would You Do If I Died?

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear," said the husband. "Do you not like being married?" said the … read more
Thu 14 October 1999

50th Wedding Anniversary

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home she notices a tear in his eye and asks whether he is getting sentimental because they are celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got … read more
Thu 14 October 1999

Husband Under the Table

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the … read more
Thu 07 October 1999

Affairs

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads: Dear Wife (that's what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18-year-old secretary. When he arrived at … read more
Thu 07 October 1999

The Difference

This old couple was sitting in their rocking chairs on the back porch when the old lady reached over and knocked the old man out of his chair. The old man got up, sat back down in his chair and said, "What was that for?" The old lady said, "That … read more
Sun 12 September 1999

The Newlyweds

A young farmer couple got married, and they just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. Just before leaving the house for the fields at dawn, they made love, and when the husband returned home at evening they had another go - both before and after supper, and then again a few … read more
Fri 30 July 1999

Daughters' Marriages

A Mother had three daughters and on their weddings, she tells each one of them to write back about their marriage life. And the first one gets married. The second day the letter arrives with a single message... simply, "Maxwell Coffeehouse." Mother got confused and finally noticed in a Maxwell … read more
Thu 03 December 1998

50th Anniversary

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at … read more
Thu 06 March 1997

Love - The Answers

Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to 10. Their answers below are enlightening: What is the proper age to get married? "Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your … read more
 

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